MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE

1. HONOR OF MARRIAGE

        1. Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Heb 13:4 KJV)               

     2. (Let) marriage (is) had in honor among all, and (let) the bed (be) undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.(Heb 13:4 ASV)

• Marriage is instituted by God (Mat. 19:4-6).
• It symbolizes the relationship betwixt God and the church (Eph.5:22-23).
• It serves as  deferent to fornication (1 Cor. 7:28-29)

2.  DANGER OF ELOPING AND COHABITATION

Cohabitation is when the two decide to live together as married before marriage.  Cohabiting is the respectful way of describing the “shucking up”

1. The couple does not actually know each other better.
2. It may lead to wed for all wrong reasons.
3. It leads to making informal decisions

3.  COHABITATION IS SIN OF FORNICATION

Fornication is sex outside marriage. The Greek word is PORNEA which includes adultery, fornication, homosexual, lesbianism, intercourse with an animal etc

4. THE FOLLY OF COHABITATION

A  It undermines Commitment

1. It has three times thechance of divorce compared with wedded couples.
2. It often times gives poorer quality twice more than the wedded.
3. It gives uncertainty about relationship even after a long time together.

B  It weakens the marital Bond.

1. It leads to less conventionalbelief adoption about marriage, and divorce is easy.
2. Usually the couple becomes less religious.
3. In most cases, the couples do not have the same moral imperative to remain faithfulin the relationship. A successful marriage is built upon trust. Such trust is stronger among those who fear the LORD more than those who fear their spouses.

NOTE:Cohabitation is certainly no indication that people are serious about getting married.

4. ONLY GOD CAN JOIN TOGETHER

A. Marriage Is An Institution Of God.

1. It was ordained by God in the beginning (Mat 19; 4-5; Mk. 10: 6-8, Gen. 2:21-24)
2. Only God, not government, joins a man and a woman together in a holy matrimony (Mat. 19:6).Whatever wedding custom is involved in marriage, it is God who does the joining.
3. God, not man, defines marriagerelationship as to have a right to marry and who has a right to terminate marriage.

B. Marriage Is A Privilege FromGod.

1. Male and female were createdfor union together as one flesh (Gen. 2:21-22, Mat. 19:4-5).
2. The biological design reveals that God created male and female for heterosexual, not homosexuality.
3. So when you are in marriage, take it as a privilege from God and enjoy it as to please God.

C. Marriage Termination

1. God joins the couple for life. That is, death releases the surviving spouse from marriage bond (|Rom. 7:1-3, 1 Cor. 7:39).
2. “Till death do us part” is a vow to be taken seriously.
3. Scripture gives one condition for divorce -only for fornication (Mat. 19; 9). Remarrying after such divorce is legal

D. Man may Try, But God must approve

1. To think that court divorce is guiltless is a miss interpretation (Mat. 5:31).  Even the Pharisees focused on the decree (Deut. 24: 1-4; Mat. 19:70.
2. In this case, the woman is a victim because a divorced man could remarry, but not a woman (Mat.5:32).
3. God hates divorce (Mal.2:16) because it is treacherous act, covering one’s garment with violence.God tolerated polygamy in the OT, but it was hurtful to a woman.
4. God temporarily allowed divorce due to the hardness of peoples’ hearts (Mat. 19:8), but now Jesus requires a higher standard of righteousness.

5.AUTHORITY AND SOURCE OF GUIDANCE IN OUR MARRIAGES.

Many people are focused about the proper way to conduct their home life. What authority should your home follow?

A. Worldly Marriage Experts

These include psychiatrists, feminists, sex educators, civil governments etc. (1 Cor. 1:19-21, 2:4, 5; Proverbs 14: 12)

1 Society Practices: Advices or examples of friends, neighbors etc (Romans 12:1-2, 2 cor. 10; 12, Mat. 7:13-14).

2. Practices of Parents:People tend to act in their families the way people around acted as they grew up (Mat.10:34-37; Acts 5:29).

3. Personal Desires Or Of Family Members:  Sometimes we design our own way of running our home or we copy from our fellow members of the family (Mat. 16; 24-25; 10:34-37).

NB:These advices and examples are not always mistaken, but they areoften wrong.

-Many problems in our homes come as the result of following such authorities.

-We need a better standard and source of higher wisdom

B. The Bible as The Standard For Home.

1. The Bible must be the ultimatestandard and source of guidance ofour homes (Gen. 2:18-24).

2. The Bible is a revelation of wisdom, not of man (1 Thes.2:13), and it works better for those who believe it.

3.  The scriptures are profitable to teach, instruct, and provide us with completeness of all good works, including marriage (2 Tim.3:16-17).

4. Except the Lord builds the house; they labor in vain those that build it –Psalm 127:1.If we desire a good marriage and good home, we must follow the proper guide, the word of God (2 Peter 1:3; Acts 17:11).

6. THE MAIN GOALS FOR OUR MARRIAGE

A.Many families put too much emphasis on materialistic goals which include:

• Material possession (LK. 12:15- 21; 1 Tim. 6:9-10; 1 John 2:15-17)
• Pleasure (2 Tim. 3:1-5, Heb. 11:24-26).
• Popularity and social  standing(John 12:42-43)
• Beauty ( Proverbs 31: 30, 1 Peter 3:3-4)

B. The True Focal Point For A Home

The most important goals our homes must seek to accomplish include the following:

I .To serve God and help one another to enter internal life (Joshua 24:15)

Never marry someone who does not view serving God as the main goal.

II. Companionship And Love.

-Genesis 2:18-26: Woman was created to make the life of a man (who was alone) better.

-To be a companion and helper to him (Proverbs 2:17; 18:22; 19; 14; Malachi 2:14).

- Husband and wife need to love one another (Eph. 5:25-29; Titus 2:4). To love is to fulfill one of the strongest desires and greatness needs people have.

III. Bearing And Raising Godly Children

-This refers to any dependent we are raising in our home including children born from us or adopted, and other dependents.

-Gen. 1:27-28: Multiply and subdue the earth.

-Children must be appreciated as a gift from God (Psalm 127; 3-5; 128:1-6).

- We must seek Godly children (Malachi 2:15).

IV. To Express Sexual Affection

-Sexual union is holy and pure only within marriage (Heb. 13:4).

-Man and woman should find fulfillment for their desire only in their lawful spouses (Prov. 5; 15-20).

-The two should express sexual affection, not temptingto defrauding them (1 Cor. 7: 2-5, 8, 9).

• Satisfaction of sexual desire is one legitimate reason for getting married.
• Sexual union is the basic urge created by God. It is pure and holy in ordained marriage.
• It becomes natural expression of the love and companionship of marriage.

7. MISTAKEN REASONS FOR MARRIAGE

Many have mistaken reasons for entering into marriage contract such as:

• To obtain wealth, influence, popularity or social status.

• To escape from serious problems in their previous home life.
• Just to feel like somebody wanted them- some people have left unloved, unattended to, rejected or inferior all their life.
• Because we are on rebound from a broken relationship.
• Because we need someone to provide for us or keep the house and cook for us.

• Because all their friends are married.
• Just to feel somebody wants us- Some people have lived unloved, rejected, unattended to or inferior in their life.
• Because we are on rebound from a broken relationship.
• Because we want some body to provide for us or to keep a house and cook for us.
• Because our family, friends or church members think we make a good couple.

NB: When people enter into marriage basing on these improper reasons, they find theirmarriage unsatisfying.

8. ROLE OF A HUSBAND AND WIFE IN A HOME

-Both traditions and Bible have well defined roles for a husband and wife in a family. However, Biblical definition of the roles is the high standard to live by for a successful marriage.

I. Wife must submit to her husband.

• God decreed that the husband should rule his wife (Gen.3:16).
• Wife should submit to her husband as the church does to Christ (Eph.5:22-24)
• She must submit in everything that exalts the lord, not  in what is sinful (Acts 5:29)
• When the husband is not a believer, the Bible encourages even more submission in order to set an example to him, "    1 Peter 3:1-6 (Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.(KJV)

II. Husband must use authority/ rule in Love.

• Husbands must use their authority in love (Eph. 5:25-29, 33) as Christ does to the church.

• A loving husband will use his authority for the good of all including the children.
• He should love his wife and children despite their weakness.
• He must make reasonable consultations to his wife in decision that affects her and the family.

• He should get at least an input in making decisions, and women’s contribution is the important input.

III. Husbands should honor their wives’ Decisions.

• Husband should striveto understand the role of his wife andvalue her in order to make according decisions (1 peter 3:7).
• He should honor her.
• Wife should not be treated as a property or a slave, but as a valued and respected companion.

Iv. The Husband Is To Provide For The Family.

Gen 3:17-19 “And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it was thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return” (KJV).

• Man should labor, not just provide for him, but even for the wife and children (1 Tim.5:8).
• The man who is able to labor but does not is lazy and foolish (prov.24:30-32).
• He must make sure the family has all its needs.
•  Husband is to lead by example (Deut. 6:6-7), and must make sure the family live a Godly life.

V.  Wife Is A Home Maker.

• Mothers are homemakers and managers of the supplies.
• She is to be a helper not a competitor with her husband (Gen.2:18).
• She must also be able to teach young women to be home makers (Titus 2:5)
• She should rejoice and praise the lord for her role as a homemaker) Psalm 113; 9).
• She should  be striving to bring respect to her family by abiding at home (Prov. 7:11,12; 31:11-29)

NOTE:  A husband is a heart of God; a wife is the reflection of God’s love. A husband is a lover and a protector, a wife is a lover and a companion. When a husband is like God’s sovereignty, a wife is like God’s creativity.

10 FRIENDS AND IN-LAWS.

Honestly, when a man and woman are marrying, they are separated from their respective family cultures (Gen.2:24). At the same time they all inherit a totally new set of family members. Each one of them enters a close connection with spouse’s relatives and friends. Most times, these bring problems in the home.

• Husband and wife must understand that these parents, relatives and friends are not the head of our family, and they are not to make decisions for us (Eph 5:22-25).
• They may make suggestions or give us biblical instructions or even rebuke us, but certainly not to make decisions for us.

11 COMMUNICATIONS IN THE FAMILY

Communication an essential part of the three vital recipes of marriage, - two of which are commitment and companionship. True couples aregenerally, not looking for strong silent types, but rather strong communications.

• Communication can be either in word or in action
• We all have different ways of solving problems, such as talking over and over until the solution is found or taking time to think over it.

I.   Preventing Conflicts

• Arguments are normal between people but conflicts can be prevented.
• We must learn to disagree without being cruel to each other.
• Avoid using hurtful words to each other in any conflict.
• Always want to be best of friends even in conflicts.

II. Learn to compromise

Unrealistic expectations are major cause of break ups of marriages.

• Expectation of everlasting romantic feeling, non-existance of upheavals, illness, childlessness, husband being at home in the right time etc.
• Adopting each other’s needs does not mean losing identity, but rather creating a space in your life for another person.

III. Importance of communication in a family

• It enables the couple to better know and understand one another.
• It helps to overcome distress  (1 Sam.1:3-8)
• Communication brings   healing and comfort to the hearer (Prov. 13:17).
• It enables the couple to know each other’s views and feelings over certain matter of concern in their home.
• Communication helps to clear confusions and differences.
• It enables the couple to better create its own culture family ethics.

IV. How Do We Communicate

In order to have successful home, spouses must learn to communicate all heart, thoughts and feelings. Both husband and wife must at all times communicate to each other regardless of barriers (noise and distance). Godly manner of communication is the best way of communication. There are several ways of Godly way of communication stipulated in the scriptures.

1. Communicate in love.

• He who does not love does not know God (1 John 4:8).
• God head communicates in love
• We must be concerned with the welfare of others as we communicate to them.
• Love is an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit a Christian couple must aim to achieve.
• Communicating in love pleases God.

NOTE: In as much as our children want to see a father and mother living in peace, they also enjoy seeing a husband and wife who are madly in love.

2.  Communicate In Submission (Eph.5:21-22).

• Submission to one another is one general Spiritual principle to be applied first of all in Christian family.
• Husband must submit to the needs of the wife and children.
• It must be in the attitude of gentleness, humility, love and self-giving.

3.  Communicate In Transparence (1 John 1:5-7)

• Transparence means doing things with a sincere heart, without hiding anything from each other (gen.2:2).

• God is light and there is no darkness in Him.
• Transparence ins one characteristic of the Trinity. It does not have hidden agenda.

4.  Communicate in Faith (1 Cor. 10:13).

• Exercising faithfulness is God’s will for a husband and wife
• Faithful communication brings all the temptations into captivity.
• Both husband and wife must learn to believe that whatever the other says is true.
• Christ is faithful to us as His house, so must we faithful to our spouses (Heb.3:5).

5 Communicate in obedience (Eph.5:21)

• As wife express her obedience in submission to her husband, the husband should likewise obey to the needs and demands of his wife.
• Both husband and wife need to obey each other.
• Husband must understand and appreciate the role of his wife in life of their family.

6 Communicate in Unity

This refers to rejoicing together and bearing one another’s burden at all times.

• Make decisions and create your worldtogether.
• Learn to compromise
• Create a common vision and work towards it at all times.
• Another’s mistake must be “Our responsibility”

12 SEXES IN THE FAMILY

Man and woman must understand that sexual union is the heart beat of every marriage. It is ordained for reproduction and fulfilling one another’s desires. Sex helps s in strengthening family relationships.

I.   God’s Plan for sexual Union (1 Cor.7:3-5)

• God wants us to enjoy sex with and have pleasure (Songs 1:2, 13, 15-16; 2:6; 4:10; 5:16; 7:1-3, 11-12).
• It unites husband and wife (Mat.19;5-6)
• Sex outside marriageis sin (Prov. 5:3-4, 8, 15, 18-21).
• It is for reproduction (gen.2:28)
• Both husband and wife have sexual need which they have to satisfy each other.

They should not stop having sex unless for brief